Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
