we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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