when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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