right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
