I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
