theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
