its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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