I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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