Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
