you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
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9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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