I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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