No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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