she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
