don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
