Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
