I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
MIDGETS
????
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So here I am, sexting at work.
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