Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
