remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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