i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
