so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The Olympian is in my bed
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
