whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Actions speak louder than pants.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
