I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.