absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad