take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
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I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬