is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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