He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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