New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
