im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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