and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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