dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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