Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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