But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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