I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
