You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
