i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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