4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize