So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
