I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
