This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
