I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
