Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
