She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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