I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
