he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
