Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
