I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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