Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
