please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
