Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
