i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
