dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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