The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize