cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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