I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
