Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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