apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
