I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
