I'm lost and stupid without you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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