dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
