he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
