whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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