This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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