I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
