Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
