He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
