i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm both gender and math confused
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
