At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
