'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
